We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
