literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
