is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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