I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
