I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
