I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
