Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize