The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
