you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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