Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
