Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize