In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
