He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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