These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
