So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
