btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
