can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
