having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
