would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
