look no pants
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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