We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
