I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
