just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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