She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
