So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
