he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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