Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
