She said her name was "party"
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
