wat bout pragnant strippers??
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
