you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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