Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
