dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
