he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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