Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
