your thong is hanging out like whoa
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
