THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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