I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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