Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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