Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
