So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
