I'm jealous of your bromance
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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