i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
