Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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