guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
