before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
