Barsexuality is the new black.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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