so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
two words: eviction party
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
