So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
