she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
