guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize