You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
