Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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