Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
