Your tits are I can't wait for
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
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