you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize