Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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