ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
