Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
