I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
