When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
