I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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