would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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