yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
