If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize