Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
