Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
