Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Randomize
