Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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